Lost and Found
by Nightengale
Summary: AU; Helen is Harry It was always hard to be a gay couple in a small field but when Harry disapears Nick is all alone to deal with it. What does Nick do when Harry returns 8 years later to start over?


When Nick flung open the door to their house the force of doorknob hitting the wall cracked the plaster. He stormed through the hall, dropping his bag beside the umbrella stand and throwing his coat in an erratic manner toward a chair. Harry came in quietly behind him, closing the door and giving the wall a quick assessment.

"Nick," he said quietly.

"I don't want to hear it!" Nick shouted back from the living room.

"Nick, you know it happens every time we go to a conference or a show or a speech. You just have to stop letting it get to you so much."

Nick scoffed in response as he flopped down onto the couch, sitting up almost immediately after to put his elbows on his knees and hands against his face. He could see Harry in his peripheral vision standing against the door frame to the room watching him with that maddeningly calm look.

"That's the point, Harry," Nick replied, turning to look at him, "we're there as evolutionary biologists, paleontologists not the side show. We are there to share research, papers, the things you would expect at a conference of scientists but it's never that easy!"

"Nick..." Harry said, his voice placating.

Nick stood up angrily, "Who I am sleeping with has nothing to do with my paper!"

"I know, Nick, I know," Harry said walking over and putting a hand on Nick's arm.

Nick shrugged him off and paced around the room for a moment before stopping at the glass doors to the side yard. He tried to relax, to calm down and breathe slowly.

"Nick, I know it's not fair," Harry said, his voice getting closer as he walked over, "but people like gossip and we are always going to be a hot button even if nothing ever changes in our relationship."

Nick snorted. Behind him Harry touched his arms, tracing small circles.

"We're the only gay couple in a small field."

"As is abundantly clear," Nick muttered.

Harry wrapped his arms around Nick's stomach and rested his forehead on the back of Nick's neck. "I'm sorry about the looks and the questions, the accusations of special treatment and phrases like 'your people.'"

Nick couldn't stop a laugh and he felt Harry smile against his back. Nick turned around in Harry's arms then leaned back against the glass.

"It's what we have to deal with now but at least no one can say we're not good at what we do." Harry winked.

"Not about me at least," Nick said kissing Harry's lips.

"Oh! A joke!" Harry squeezed Nick's sides. "I take it you're letting the 'how's the boning' remark go now and you're my happy Nick again?"

Nick held up a finger. "I will punch Rollens next time I see him."

"I'm sure you will." Harry kissed Nick then let him go and walked back toward the hall. "Dinner?"

Nick stood up from the glass and sat down on the couch again. "Yeah," he replied crossing his arms.

Gritting his teeth, Nick sat up, picked up a stack of student papers sitting on the table by his knees and began furiously reading them. To hell with his colleges.

-

"Nick." A hand shakes his shoulder.

'It's Harry…' Nick turns his head, eyes still closed. 'It has to be.'

"Nick."

Nick opens his eyes to see Stephen looking down at him. Stephen's hand falls away and he stands up straight again, still staring down at Nick.

"You awake now? You know you have classes to teach."

Nick sits up and clears his throat. "I'm aware of that."

"It's nearly 2:00."

"All right." Nick stretches briefly then stands up from his desk. "All right, I know."

Stephen sighs, handing Nick his portfolio. "I can get a TA instead."

"I can teach my own classes."

"You know that's not what I meant." He pauses. "It's the anniversary this week, isn't it?"

Nick turns his head sharply. Stephen gazes levelly back at him without pity or judgment. Nick turns away again. "Yes."

"There are plenty of grad students willing to jump into your chair for one session if you want out for a bit."

Nick laughs once. "You have a point."

"So?"

Nick sighs and looks at the far wall. "Call Trenchford."

"She did it last time."

"Yeah, and that was four months ago." Nick grins picking up his keys. "She'll be itching for another go."

"Will do. Did you eat?"

Nick glances at Stephen distractedly. "What?"

Stephen sighs. "I know you're not big on lunch but…"

"Oh, right, fine, we'll get some."

Stephen smiles. "Hardly any arm twisting, must be a bad day."

"It will be on Thursday," Nick mutters.

Stephen walks to the door, picking up both their coats then stops in front of it. He turns around.

"I know you don't want to hear this."

Nick holds up a hand. "Don't start."

"Nick, it has been eight years. You have to move on some time; Harry is gone."

"Stephen, it's my business," Nick snaps.

"Rather public business, wasn't it?"

Nick slaps his desk hard. "Of course and do you think I wanted it that way? Do you think I wanted to lose him and then have to have it constantly thrust in my face with questions and… opinions?"

Stephen holds up his hands placatingly at Nick's outburst. "I know, all right, it was hard and people are jerks."

"Understatement," Nick says softer this time.

"Just… I'm your friend, Nick, as well as your employee and I don't want to see you still mourning Harry."

Nick huffs, staring at the window wondering when Stephen decided to start talking so much. Stephen walks toward him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"After eight years he's either gone for good or…." Nick stiffens. "Well, the point is I think you have a right to forget him and be happy again, not alone."

Nick sighs. "To tell you the truth," he looks at Stephen, "in a way it's easier to be alone sometimes than to have all that… social pressure of being with someone."

Stephen raises an eyebrow to which Nick laughs dryly.

"Who doesn't want to gossip about the only gay couple in their field? Now, I'm just me. Not that I wanted Harry to... I just..." Nick trails off.

Stephen just nods and hands Nick his jacket not saying any more.

They look at each other for a moment then turn and walk out of the office in search of a meal.

-

Nick looks at the clock though he knows it's a bad decision to even check, 1:15; Not exactly as bad as he'd expected. Sometimes he stays as late as 3:00 in the morning, nothing to go home to anyway. He has research to his left, student papers to his right, some idiotic memo about staff reductions they aren't even going to do in front of him and Nick has been staring at the wall for the past 30 minutes.

"Go home, Nick…" he mutters.

Nick sighs and rubs his hands over his face. It's Wednesday which means tomorrow is Thursday, eighth anniversary. Perhaps it's morbid or dwelling of some kind to keep track of the years. Still, even if he didn't do it consciously he's sure he'd know. Nick slides his hands to the side of face like blinders and glances down at the picture frame on his desk. Harry and he smile up at him, Harry with his face half nuzzled into Nick's cheek with a fall day behind them.

Nick sighs. "Yeah, Harry, time to go home."

Nick stands, picking up his jacket from his chair. He picks up a few folders, stuffing them into his case, and snaps it shut. Clicking out the light, Nick hoists the strap of his bag into his shoulder and glances out the window. He stops dead.

There is a street light on the street below by the edge of the woods. Someone is standing under the light looking up at him as real as the room around him.

Nick barely breathes out the name. "Harry."

Harry smiles.

Nick doesn't even think, he just moves and bolts toward the door, wrenching it open and sprinting down the stairs. Two floors down he slams into the front doors with a curse then jumps back, pulls them open and bursts outside. There is no one there.

Harry is not standing waiting for him on the steps nor is he still under the street lamp. There is no one outside at all, just the sounds of the night. Nick turns all the way around as if in need of a reset. His eyes have to be deceiving him because he saw Harry; _he saw him_. He wasn't asleep, or dreaming or seeing things. Harry had been standing right there.

Nick mouth's Harry's name and almost calls out but stops himself. He turns his head left then right trying to see further into the darkness. Nothing. There is no one outside but himself.

"Okay..." Nick says to himself.

Nick breathes in slowly to calm his beating heart then turns and walks toward the parking lot. He tires not to think about the feelings of foolishness mixed with crushing disappointment.

-

"Professor Cutter?"

Nick turns around as he's walking up the stairs to the graduate building to see one of his students behind him.

"Connor?" He asks.

"I wanted to ask you about my thesis."

Nick sighs, "Connor, I thought we talked about - "

"Just give it a chance." Connor pulls a stack of papers bound by a large paper clip out of his bag. "I know it sounds crazy but - "

"Yes, it certainly does; life on Earth descended from organisms left by aliens?"

"You haven't even read it, please." Connor gives him a very good set of puppy dogs eyes. "Please?"

Nick sighs and holds out his hand. Connor grins widely and hands him the papers. Nick puts the stack into his bag with a sigh and holds up a hand before Connor can start on a rush of 'thank yous.'

"I'm not saying I'm going to sign off on it or even agree with much of anything I'm sure you've got in here but I will read it."

Connor waves his hands. "That's all I ask."

Nick nods once sending Connor around back down the stairs. Nick huffs through his nose then turns to see Stephen coming down the stairs stopping just above him.

"His thesis again? Still the same?"

"Yeah." Nick points to his bag. "Told him I'd read it."

Stephen smiles. "You've probably read worse."

Nick nods absently, his eyes drawn the street lamp across the road. "Maybe."

"You all right?" Stephen asks.

Nick glances over to Stephen who is giving him a searching look. Nick breathes in slowly and opens his mouth but is stopped by someone calling his name. He turns around to see Connor again.

"I forgot." Connor holds out a newspaper clipping. "Though you might be interested."

Nick takes the piece of paper and turns it upright. The headline reads "Monster Sighted in Forest of Dean." Stephens shifts closer behind him to look over his shoulder. Nick looks up at Connor and raises an eyebrow.

"The description's way too big to be anything normally around there. What do you think, new undiscovered predator? They found large tracks to go with it."

Nick scoffs. "Got to be just a hoax."

Connor grins and wiggles his eyebrows. "You never know. I think I may go on an expedition myself, see what I find."

"Connor..." Stephen says with a warning tone.

Connor holds up his hands and backs down the stairs. "No trouble, sir, I promise." Then he turns and almost skips away.

"I'm sure," Nick says as Stephen chuckles behind him.

Nick reads a bit of the article before putting it in the front pocket of his bag. He has to admit the whole thing does sound a bit interesting. Plus, the Forest of Dean is where Harry disappeared. They'd fought, Harry'd gone out, called about finding something, and then he was gone. His brain starts to make bizarre connections so Nick shakes his head to clear it, just a coincidence. It's particularly ironic that on anniversary day eight years later there should be something mysterious going on in the forest where Harry vanished. It's as if some force doesn't want Nick to forget. Nick sighs and stares at the trees nearby blowing in the wind. He wants to hear a voice calling, wants to hear his name.

"Nick." He blinks and looks back at Stephen. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Nick turns around and walks up the stairs. "Back to work."

-

2:33, Nick turns the key in the lock and opens the door to his house. He'd stayed late, not wanting to go home to an empty house on this day but everyone has to go home sometime. Closing the door behind him, Nick sees the light in his living room is on so he flicks on the hall light too. He shouldn't have even hoped this would be a normal day. He's seeing things, there are supposed monsters in the woods, it's been eight years since he found himself unexpectedly alone, and now Harry is standing not ten feet away from him down the hall in the entrance to his living room.

Nick closes his eyes once then opens them again to see Harry still there. Harry walks down the hall toward him and touches his hand. Nick can't stop a shuddering breath.

"You're real."

"Always have been."

His face is different, tanner, a bit older, and with a look that is not Nick's Harry at all. It looks like he's been away much longer than eight years and he's not the same person any more. His smile has a predatory side to it and for moment Nick thinks maybe he should be frightened.

"Did you punch Rollens?" Harry asks with a quirk of his lips, hand still on Nick's, and maybe Harry doesn't really look that different.

"That is the first thing you ask?" Nick pulls his hand away.

"What do you want me to ask?"

It's just like Harry to answer with a question and Nick thinks maybe he should feel creeped out but that's not the way this is going just yet.

"You've got to say something," Nick answers.

Harry smiles and gazes at him like Nick is the lost city of Atlantis or the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. He touches Nick's cheek, his hair, and steps closer so his chest is almost flush against Nick's. Nick thinks he should move away, be angrier at least, but he doesn't.

"I've seen so much, Nick." Harry's fingers continue to map Nick's features and Nick closes his eyes. "I've seen everything we used to talk about, to research; I've seen the past, even more. There are doorways, entrances to a world you wouldn't believe."

Nick opens his eyes. "The creature in the Forest of Dean?"

Harry smiles again. "You were always smart, Nick."

Harry leans forward those last few centimeters until his lips are on Nick's.

"Why are you back?" Nick asks.

Moving away, Harry looks at him as if it's the most ridiculous question Nick could have possibly asked. Nick can see right then that Harry is not going to apologize for leaving, for disappearing with no word, for leaving him all alone for eight years. Harry is not actually sorry and he would do it again. All this, right now, is all about Harry and what Harry wants again, not mending anything broken, not even caring if something broke.

Nick steps back out of Harry's hands then walks around him and into the living room, just daring Harry to follow him and give Nick a reason to hit him.

"I missed you."

Nick looks back at Harry still standing in the hall. "You missed me?" Nick repeats deadpan.

"I've seen more than you could imagine, Nick," Harry says as he walks over to Nick. "I've seen creatures we've never even come close to studying in all our so scientific books." Harry waves a hand at Nick's shelves against the wall. "I've seen the Earth before humans, when it was owned by the wild; I've walked where no human ever has or will again."

"Am I supposed to be impressed at your speech?" Nick stares at him. He doesn't understand just what Harry is saying and, to be honest, he doesn't really want to. "You just disappeared. All I know for sure is you've been gone for eight years."

"And now I'm back, Nick."

"That's not enough."

Harry breathes in and flips his hair in that way which always made Nick want to press him up against walls where no one could see. It has to be unfair that Harry is still so beautiful in Nick's eyes.

"Eight years of exploring the unknown," Harry says, "and in the end I still missed you. I still came back." Harry grabs Nick's forearms and pulls Nick up against him. "You still have some power over me, Nick."

Then Harry crushes his lips against Nick's; Harry tastes different, earthy and hot and almost animal. He rips open the buttons of Nick's jacket, pulling it off Nick's shoulders and throwing it aside. His hands burn lines through Nick's clothes and he crowds Nick toward the couch until his legs knock against it and he falls back. Harry lands right on top of him, not even a break in his lips on Nick's like he's starving. He's still just as heavy as Nick remembers and he thinks about how it would be difficult to push Harry off. Harry shifts so his full weight is on Nick and he pushes Nick to the side so he's lying on his back on the couch. Harry breaks off his assault of kissing to focus on unbuttoning Nick's trousers.

"Harry, wait." Nick grabs Harry's arm.

Looking up quickly without stopping, Harry just flashes Nick one of those 'I'm on a mission' smiles he used to do and it's like it's only been ten minutes since Nick last saw him. With precision of a person who knows someone else's body as their own, Harry gets off Nick's shoes, pulls down his trousers, wraps a hand around Nick's cock and takes it in his mouth. Though Nick might want to say stop, no, it's too fast, he can't form words to say it because it's all such a rush of sensation and memory. All Nick can do his scrape his hands against the fabric of the couch and just breathe as Harry's mouth moves, sucks, slides and breaks Nick down. He thinks for a moment that he'd forgotten how ridiculous the sounds of a blow job can be then Harry does that thing with his teeth and Nick cums like it was any night after work eight years ago.

"God..." Nick groans as Harry slides up his torso and kisses him with the taste of Nick's own cum in his mouth.

Harry reaches his hand between them and jerks himself off while looking into Nick's eyes. Harry looks like a conquerer; a Roman legionnaire back to his wife after years away fighting in barbarian lands, ready to start it all again like no time has passed. Maybe Harry's not the same Harry or maybe this is just who he was underneath all along. Maybe Nick never saw before there was more animal in Harry than he'd thought. When Harry cums he bites Nick's lip and sucks at the wound he makes. It sends a chill up Nick's spine which he doesn't think is good.

"Harry." Harry lifts his head and looks at Nick. "I can't."

Harry sits up so he's squatting between Nick's legs. "Yes, you can."

Nick scoots so he's sitting up and picks his pants up off the floor, pulling them on.

"Harry, you can't just appear at my house, tell me you've been exploring the past, give me a blow job and just make eight years not have happened."

"It could be a start." He touches Nick's bare legs stroking up and down. "I have so much to tell you, to teach you. You won't believe it."

"I'm having trouble believing this," Nick mutters.

"Nick..." Harry leans forward again but Nick stands up out of Harry's way.

He picks up his trousers off the floor, stumbling into them. Nick turns away from Harry allowing himself a second to think maybe this is just a dream.

"Nick."

It's not a dream though because when he turns back around Harry is standing beside the couch looking at him searchingly. The lights are on, he's wide awake, and this is real; eight years passed and Harry is home again.

"I left but I'm back and you have to at least give me a chance to try it all again."

"It wasn't easy last time," Nick says.

Harry smirks and takes Nick's hands. "It can be easier. Come on."

"This is insane..." Nick mutters.

"I'll show you I'm real, Nick."

Then Harry grabs Nick around the waist, half tossing him over his shoulder like some parody of a caveman. Nick can't stop himself from laughing, finally giving in. He can pretend for just awhile that the eight years never happened, that they are the same as they used to be. He can blind himself to the feeling of the last eight years if he just gives in for now.

Maybe Nick can try.

Harry laughs like a maniac with Nick over his shoulder and awkwardly carries him up to the bedroom, the same bed they'd had before, together, still there. As Harry drops him down and covers him with kisses Nick thinks, 'this isn't going to last.'

Hours later, Nick turns to Harry lying beside him in bed. "You can't just erase the last eight years, Harry."

Harry props himself up on his elbow. "I can make up for them, Nick. I can show you."

"Show me?"

"I can show you all the places I've been. You can come back with me. We can go together."

"Go?" Nick raises an eyebrow.

Then it hits him, this is what Harry wants. Harry wanted this all along since the moment Nick saw him under the street lamp. Harry didn't come back here to stay or make things right; he came back to take Nick with him.

"I'm not leaving, Harry."

"Nick, you have to see - "

"I'm not leaving." Nick gives Harry a piercing look. "I know when I'm supposed to live, if you've seen the past as you say. This is our time, here."

"Nick, you don't understand. There are ways, gateways to the past." Harry sits up, taking Nick's hand. "You can see the world you've always researched, the creatures, dinosaurs, all the periods you've spent your whole life working on, learning more and more about. Why not see it first hand? Why not walk among them?"

Right now Nick can see that Harry is not his Harry anymore.

"I'm not leaving, Harry."

In the morning Harry is gone. That day Nick sees his first anomaly and everything makes more sense that the blur of the night before.

Nick decides he does not want Harry back, not as the person he's become.


End file.
